It’s not apprehension until one feels something really gonna happen: either
something too bad or the best...that one might question God’s own mindgames.
Like they say." Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me."
I have been visiting this place since my childhood, and all
of my best memories are from here apart from the ones with Him. This day is
special for all around me and probably should be for me as well.
An usual warm August morning. But this
is no ordinary place.
once I made a habit to visit this place every year on this
particular day ...until I stopped a few years back. When all went blur and
the world made no sense anymore.It’s only special for me today for I don’t know why
and how I made it here.All I could remember is the blessed solitude all
around...like the winter has come early. Winter has always been my favorite.
Today though it doesn’t smell like winter but the silence is
treating likewise.Not even a single cricket to shriek and shrill. How come I
never got a chance before to enjoy such a moment?Maybe I never tried heartily??
Father!! You remember me right..??of course you do! I’m
sorry we didn’t see each other for a long time. I wasn’t well.. at least that’s
what the others said. I knew you had the cure but I was not strong enough to
let go of my disease. Maybe finally I am
ready and willing.
“In the name of the Holy Father, Son and Holy Spirit...I beg for your
forgiveness and blessings. Amen”
Oh!!How I always used to utter this prayer sitting on the
bench just outside the church. This bench has always been my favorite place and
I feel a step closer to God from here. And today I don’t need to be inside to
see Him and feel His presence,He’s with me always.
The advent of Fall has already brushed my skin with it’s
warm,cozy breathes...the trees around had turned pale. At this early hour of
the day the church is always deserted. Luckily I got the church all to myself
today.I needed it. My confession needed God’s sole attention and now that he
had already lightened my soul, I will finally get well.
On my way back home, I decided to take the shortcut through the Alley, I had tried to avoid it since
the very last day. It holds too many memories—the worst one with many other
great ones. But nothing matters, I’m done with it...my God has shown me the way out. I hurried back home, my parents would be up any moment and worried for me
escaping without informing them. They worries too much- the weirdest
relation that we share.I mean they love me maybe more than anyone else but I
just never felt the connection with them the way I should; to speak the truth,never
felt it with anyone else except one....except two.
As if you can understand God without knowing the Devil. Don’t be surprised Oh! I am not the
only person who uses them both in the same sentence or for same purpose. I need them To help and heal me.
The empty street, tiresome houses and old neighborhood inside—all
look so peaceful with the sun’s early light like a shade of sepia has washed over
all. Another light breeze whispered something into my ears or probably wanting
an excuse to kiss my hair.He liked my hair long and I was always told to keep
them down around him.
His playful touch,
soft caressing , beautiful words, intoxicating smell...they seem like Gone Winds
now. Then why are my thoughts warning me of something?Is there anything
else left to happen? Wasn’t the past enough??
“Mum! Dad! I am home.”
I call them, as soon as I entered the house all felt unusually quite. “Mum! Dad!”
No answer.
I knock at their door, look at the back yard, peek into the kitchen.”Where are you all?”
“MOTHER! FATHER! This
is not funny. Please come out this instant, don’t you dare pull any trick
today.”
No Answer.
God This is frustrating. Are they punishing me for bailing
out early in the morning without tell them? Did they thought I would run away
again? Hadn’t I had enough lessons already
which will last a life time.? Had something happened? They know I hate
surprises and warned them last night not to do anything silly. Birthdays are
just another days-- nothing special unless you feel special. I think I had my
quota of feeling special long time back, now it’s all the same.
When I retired to my room, finding it’s door open I was a little
curious. Maybe they are just waiting for me there,here comes the scolding part
or worst...
“Mum! What’s wrong?”
I ask her. She is sitting on the floor, her back against the wall with her
head resting over her knees. My dad,
having her in his arms, whispering something as if to console her.
“Daddy?” I walked towards them.”
Are you crying?” Are those tears down his cheeks...My Dad?My Hero?
I have never seen them like this before not even after I was
brought home after He left me crying on the street without even looking back
for once nor when I decided to go to a zombie state for months. They stayed
strong,They stayed calm, They stayed patient with me. What is it then??
Just as I squatted beside them, as if in a reflex, my parents
looked up towards my bed and I couldn’t help but follow their gaze.
That’s Him. It has to be him? I can even recognize him among
a million and here He sits,in my bedroom with his back towards us....towards
me.Hence once again.
He is sitting down against the bed,head down as if
looking into something in his hands. His messy brown hair still looks the same.
He hadn’t change,therefore nothing has.
"Whatever happens I will never come back to you."
His last words still echo in my mind yet again, he has decided
to go against his own words. I rise and walk towards him with my shaky
legs. After all these years, he still has the power to make me nervous, weak n
aroused. It's like the invisible spell that bound us together once, is again
pulling me towards him.
I walk round my bed
to reach him, to face him, to say......
“You came back for.......”
Her??
He came back for her, the girl with her head resting on his
laps, sleeping peacefully knowing that he is with her, no matter what he will
always protect her,love her and never leave her behind.
He sits gazing at her
with only his fingers aimlessly touching her long, dark strands of locks.
’Raven’ that’s what He called her..wasn’t it?He and
his stupid fetish for long hair.
His expression is blank, as if he is brooding
over something very profoundly and he seems a little sad as well. Oh!! He lost her.
Maybe now He will understand what pain is actually felt like? Did He learn His
lesson finally?
I lost Him and He her-- life always comes back in full circle. For now at least among us I win.
A
smile.
Because even the lifeless body of mine in His arms knows Me without Him is like a Body without soul.
